


shovel talks

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome Jarvis (Iron Man movies), BAMF Bruce Banner, BAMF James "Rhodey" Rhodes, BAMF Jarvis (Iron Man movies), BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes-centric, Fluff, Gen, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Pepper Potts, Shovel talks, Steve is done, Tired Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Defense Squad, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, bucky is terrified, steve wants a nap, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-04-23 22:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19160344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: five shovel talks that bucky got about tony, and one that tony got about bucky (well, sort of)





	1. Pepper Potts

**Author's Note:**

> this story is already fully written, so dont worry about me abandoning it or something
> 
> updates will be every two days (trying something new and not putting everything up all at once, seeing how i like it) until all the chaps are up
> 
> enjoy!

Bucky knew from the day he started dating Tony that he was going to meet Pepper Potts in a far different capacity than he had known her. Before they had gone out, Pepper had just been Tony’s best friend. She was terrifying, yes, and one of the few things the Winter Soldier truly feared, but he didn’t fear her wrath specifically. A polite invitation to lunch passed through JARVIS had changed that.

 

Bucky debated the correct amount of weapons to bring, not that they would save him. He was pretty sure Pepper could disembowel him with a single high heel before he could draw his gun. Plus, Tony would break up with him on the spot if he pulled a weapon on his best friend. Bucky settled for a single knife, secured in a thigh sheath, and set off to the restaurant that Pepper had specified.  

 

It was a criminally expensive Mexican place, and Bucky had an inkling of what Pepper was up to. If he was right, he wasn’t going to enjoy lunch at all. 

 

It was a well established fact that Bucky would eat almost anything. Decades of being the Asset had meant that he would take food where he could get it, regardless of the taste or quality. Tony and the rest of the Avengers had introduced him to preferences, to being able to like and dislike different foods. One thing he disliked was spicy food. With his enhanced senses, spiciness was magnified, which was an unpleasant experience. But Tony loved to cover his food in hot chiles and other spices, a habit that Pepper had picked up from him. Both of them had killed their taste buds, Bucky decided, to be able to handle it. 

 

The Mexican place that Pepper had chosen was one of the few in the city that served ghost pepper salsa, something Tony could stomach but Bucky absolutely could not. Bucky was starting to wish that Pepper wasn’t so intelligent. His tongue was  _ not  _ going to thank him by the end of lunch. 

 

The walk was short, and Bucky was at the restaurant in no time. A waiter brought him to Pepper’s table without Bucky having to say a word. He was more than a little terrified when he saw Pepper, lounging like a queen in a pristine white dress. Not a hair on her head was out of place and her gaze was cold where it rested on him.

 

“Sergeant Barnes,” she greeted politely.

 

“Hello, Miss Potts,” he said warily. He took a seat across from her, eyeing her killer heels. 

 

“I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here,” Pepper sounded eerily like the villain that kidnapped him the week before. Bucky wasn’t sure how to feel about that. All he knew was that there would be no Iron Man to his rescue this time. 

 

“I can hazard a guess,” he replied. “Tony?”

 

“Tony,” she confirmed. “You took him on a date the other day, didn’t you?”

 

Bucky gulped in fear. “I did, ma’am,” he said. “I took him out to dinner, bought him flowers. I want to court him proper.”

 

“Did he pay?”

 

“No, I did. I took him out, after all. It wouldn’t be right to make him pay.”

 

Pepper’s smile looked like Bucky passed some sort of test. “Good,” she said mildly. “Have some salsa.”

 

Obediently, Bucky tooka chip from the bowl on the table and dipped it in the salsa. It was ghost pepper, exactly as he feared. He tried to pretend like his mouth wasn’t on fire as Pepper calmly ate three in quick succession, not even drinking water in between. Bucky, meanwhile, downed his entire glass.

 

“I love Tony,” she said, meeting his eyes and eating another chip. “And he loves me. More than that, he trusts me. Enough that if you knowingly hurt him, he will give me free range to do whatever the fuck I want. And do you know what I’d want to do?”

 

She shook the basket of chips. Bucky took another, wincing. “No, Miss Potts.”

 

“I’d want to tear you limb from limb,” she smiled pleasantly. “But physical violence isn’t my thing. No, if you hurt Tony, I will utterly destroy you. Every dollar you’ve ever had, any job you could ever hold, I will take it away. I will ruin your reputation and your credibility and do it all with a smile. Then, when you are a pathetic, sniveling mess, I will laugh in your face and not feel a shred of remorse. Have some more salsa, it’s good for you.” 

 

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Bucky said, shoving another chip in his mouth and ignoring the burn. “Not because you’re threatening me, but because I don’t want to. Tony deserves the world; I don’t know if I can give it to him, but you can be damn sure that I’ll try. As long as he wants me, I’ll be by his side.”

 

“And when he doesn’t?” she challenged. “When he pushes you away, when he lashes out because he’s hurting?”

 

“I’m stubborn,” he shrugged. “He’s not going to be able to get rid of me that easy.”

 

“Good,” Pepper said finally, and it sounded like she meant it. She gestured to a waiter. “Bring Sergeant Barnes some milk, please?”

 

“Milk?” Bucky asked, confused.

 

“It’ll help with the spiciness,” she explained. “You’re not subtle; you look like you’re about to explode.”

 

“It’s  _ spicy _ !” he whined. “I don't know how you do it.”

 

Pepper laughed. “Years of practice,” she said, standing and smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of her dress. Her heels were even more imposing, if that was possible, when she was standing up. 

 

“Are you leaving?” said Bucky, making an aborted motion to stand.

 

She waved him away. “Meetings,” she said, smiling wryly. She looked like she was debating what to say. “Listen, Sergeant Barnes. You and Tony are going to fight, you're going to hurt each other. He’s going to do stupid things that make you want to wring his neck, and you’re going to know you love him because you resist that urge. I’m not going to hunt you down and gut you if you two fight. Just... don’t hurt him because you can, okay? He’s trusting you a lot. I like you, really. Don’t make me regret that.”

 

Bucky was filled with a flash of anger for anyone who had ever hurt Tony, and he was sure it showed on his face. “I won’t,” he promised. 

 

Pepper nodded. “Milk,” she repeated. “It’ll help, I swear.”

 

As soon as she was out of sight, Bucky started panting, letting the tears fall from his eyes. He snatched the glass of milk off the table and chugged it, cursing all the while. God, Pepper Potts was terrifying. He hoped he never ended up on her bad side.


	2. Jim Rhodes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everythings better with a little rhodey

If there was one person that Bucky was more terrified to meet than Pepper, it would be Jim Rhodes. He had known Tony the longest out of anyone alive, since their days back at MIT together. Rhodes was as protective of Tony as Bucky was of Steve, if not more so. Bucky suspected that Rhodes still saw Tony as his baby brother from MIT (he even brought out the baby pictures once, much to Tony’s eternal embarrassment).

 

Tony had warned him about Rhodes after one of their dates, when they were curled up together on the couch.

 

“Honey Bear gets protective,” he had explained, drawing idle circles on Bucky’s arm. “I’ll talk to him, don’t worry. I won’t let him maim you.”

 

“Is that an actual concern?” Bucky had replied. “You do know I’m a trained assassin, right?”

 

Tony had nodded seriously. “Rhodey can still kick your ass.”

 

Bucky really hoped that Tony had talked to Rhodes; he didn’t want to lose his other arm. He had an odd vision of Rhodes ripping it off and hitting him with it, and hoped he wasn’t seeing his near future. With his life, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing. 

 

War Machine was coming to town for some flimsy reason, and Bucky suspected it was just to threaten him. He felt a little flattered, but mostly scared. If Pepper’s shovel talk made him want to flee the country, he could only imagine what Rhodes’s would be like. Rhodes, he figured, wasn’t as against violence as Pepper was.

 

Rhodes arrived at the Tower an hour after Tony left for a full day of meetings. Bucky knew it was on purpose and cursed Pepper’s efficient scheduling. There was no doubt in his mind that she orchestrated the convenience of their meeting. Rhodes was waiting in the kitchen when Bucky walked in, and instantly Bucky knew running would be futile. This man could probably stop him without moving a foot.

 

“Barnes!” Rhodes barked. “Tones said you were good with mechanics?” 

 

Bucky shrugged nervously. “I tinker. Cars, mostly.”

 

“Come with me,” said Rhodes, walking out without bothering to see if Bucky was following. “War Machine needs a tune up, and I don’t want to bother Tones if I don’t have to.”

 

“Colonel Rhodes, I’m not sure I’m qualified-”

 

“Just Rhodes is fine,” Rhodes cut him off. “Maybe we’ll work our way up to Rhodey at some point. And as for your second point, really, no one is, save Tony.”

 

“Then why-”

 

Rhodes was clearly dedicated to not letting Bucky get a full sentence in. “Because we can still do minor repairs, and four hands are better than two,” he said with finality. “Come on.”

 

Bucky figured it was best not to argue. “What do you need me to do?” he asked, coming to a stop in front of the imposing gunmetal grey suit. 

 

“I’ll walk you through the weapon systems,” Rhodes offered. “I don’t think the repulsors need any work. Did you know that they’re powerful enough to blast through fifty feet of solid concrete?”

 

“The more you know,” Bucky said weakly. 

 

“I’m sure armor piercing bullets are self-explanatory. The AI targeting system is less so, but I don’t understand it either. It doesn’t miss, and that’s what’s important,” Rhodes said casually, running a hand over the shoulders of the suit. “There are some bigger guns here, and, of course, a rocket launcher. The rocket launcher is one of my favorites; I could probably take down this building with it. It can blow through just about anything.”

 

Bucky imagined Rhodes aiming a rocket at him and couldn’t stop the frisson of fear that made its way down his spine. “That’s very interesting,” he said, understanding the point of Rhodes’s shovel talk. “Is there anything else?”

 

Rhodes smiled at him, all teeth. “The most dangerous thing is this laser here,” he said, tapping the wrist. “It’s tiny, but it can cut through everything short of vibranium. Tony’s working on that. Say, Barnes, what’s that arm made of?”

 

“Vibranium.”

 

“What a shame,” said Rhodes. He met Bucky’s eyes. There was no warmth there, no friendliness, and Bucky almost recoiled. “It can cut through the rest of you just fine, though, serum be damned. And it will, if you hurt my brother in any way.”

 

“I don’t plan to,” Bucky repeated what he said to Pepper. “I’d never hurt Tony.”

 

“That’s what they all say,” Rhodes countered. “They claim that they love him, and they think that means that they can waltz in and take advantage of Tony’s generosity, of his kindness, and that Tony’s going to lay down and take it. They think no one will notice their manipulation, Tony least of all. But they always forget that Tony isn’t alone.” Rhodes paused, thinking. “I’ve been pulling Tony’s scrawny ass out of fights since MIT. I find him when he’s lost. I’m his brother. I love him in a way you never will, and he’s mine in a way that he will never be yours. Can you handle that? Are you going to get jealous when he prefers my hugs to yours? If he wants to spend the night in my room instead of with you, are you going to stop him?”

 

Bucky’s hands clenched into fists. “Of course not,” he answered hotly. “Tony’s an adult; I’m not his keeper. If he wants to spend time with his friends he doesn’t need my fucking permission. And can I please have the names of whoever made him think that?”

 

“Stick around, then we’ll see,” Rhodes said, but his eyes held something like approval. “But if you change your mind, well… the Iron Man suit is far more dangerous than War Machine, but I’ll gladly destroy whatever’s left of you.”

 

“Sir, if I hurt Tony like that, I won’t even fight back,” Bucky said gravely.  

 

Rhodes sighed. “If you’re going to be seriously dating Tony,” he said gruffly. “You might as well call me Rhodey.”

 

“Thanks, Rhodey,” Bucky said, smiling softly. It was good to know that Tony had people like Rhodes in his corner, even if they were threatening him with severe bodily harm.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rhodes waved him off. “Now, enough with all this feelings shit. I wasn’t kidding about the tune up. Get a wrench, Barnes, and get working.”


	3. Natasha Romanov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i am a sucker for nat&tony friendships

Natasha was viciously protective of her resident genius, as anyone with eyes knew. Bucky, during his and Tony’s long pining phase, had been the recipient of several pointed glares from the redhead. She had even broken several of his bones when he was being particularly idiotic. He healed fast, but he figured she would have done it even if he didn’t.

 

Bucky wasn’t complaining; Tony was an excellent nursemaid when he wanted to be (okay, so he was complaining a little bit, but only because Natasha was mean).

 

Now that they were together, Bucky fully expected a shovel talk from the Black Widow. He was on edge for the first couple days after their date, thinking that Natasha would ambush him. Other than a few glares, though, she acted completely normal, almost oblivious. That should have tipped Bucky off; the Black Widow was never oblivious. But the Winter Soldier was never a spy, not like Natasha was, and he let himself get complacent. He forgot about the looming threat of Natasha’s wrath and focused on enjoying his time with his wonderful boyfriend. 

 

The Black Widow had clearly planned for that. When he least expected it, she struck. 

 

“Barnes,” Natasha called, walking into the kitchen and interrupting a truly spectacular makeout session. She looked utterly unimpressed to find Bucky with his tongue down Tony’s throat against the counter. It immediately set Bucky on edge. “Come spar with me.”

 

“Later?” Bucky asked, not really focusing on her, not when Tony was right there. 

 

A knife flew by him and clipped the ends of his hair. “Now,” Natasha said, voice icy. 

 

Bucky turned pleading eyes on Tony, but his boyfriend shook his head. “I would just go,” he advised. “She’ll be meaner if she has to drag you.”

 

“Aw, Antoshka, always so nice,” Natasha made a face, but it was filled with fondness. 

 

“Don’t maim him, please?” said Tony. “I don’t want to spend spa night in Medical.” 

 

Natasha eyed Bucky appraisingly. “I make no promises.”

 

“Surprisingly, I want to follow you even less,” Bucky chimed in, like it mattered. 

 

Tony gave him a sympathetic look. “Get it over with,” he said. “If you make her miss spa night, she’ll be pissed.”

 

And that was incentive enough for Bucky. With a sigh, he pushed away from Tony and followed Natasha to what would surely be something unpleasant. Her path to the gym only proved that. She was going to wipe the floor with him, Bucky figured, and she would make it hurt. 

 

“Stretch,” she ordered, tying her hair back and bending into her own set of stretches. 

 

Wisely, Bucky did the same. “Can I at least have a hint as to what I did?” he pleaded.

 

“No.”

 

“Good talk,” he muttered, loosening his muscles. Natasha wasn’t going to go easy on him, he knew. Luckily, he was still the Winter Soldier. His training didn’t go away because he was no longer HYDRA’s puppet.

 

“I’m ready when you are,” he said, moving to the sparring mats in the center of the training room. He kept his hands in loose fists and his eyes tracking Natasha’s movements. 

 

She moved like her namesake, leaping forward in a blurrily fast attack before retreating a pace or two. Bucky played defense only, gauging her moves. He had taught her, but it had been a long time since they used the full extent of their skills on one another. Natasha was not playing games, clearly. 

 

“What are your intentions with Tony?” she asked between punches. She didn’t even sound winded. 

 

“To date him,” Bucky responded, lashing out with a kick that would have taken a slower person’s head off. Natasha just ducked under it. “To make him happy. Good stuff.”

 

She jumped and slung her legs around his neck, twisting to take him down. “Are you lying?” she pinned him and drew a knife from nowhere. 

 

“No,” Bucky grunted, flipping them and disarming her. “Of course I’m not.”

 

“Good,” she drawled, making no move to escape the hold he had on her. “Because if you were, I’d have to take some drastic action.”

 

“Strong words from someone who just got beat,” he teased boldly. Really, he should have been expecting the knee to the groin. 

 

Natasha took advantage of his momentary flinch and rolled them. “I don’t get attached often,” she said quietly. “It’s a weakness I don’t allow myself. Attachment means that there’s just one more way to hurt me.”

 

Bucky fully understood. While he was still lucid, in the beginning, HYDRA had used photos of Steve to break him. 

 

“Tony is one of very few people I would do anything for,” said Natasha, her green eyes piercing. “He has more than earned my loyalty to him. That loyalty means that if you hurt him in any way, Barnes, regardless of why or how or even if he asks me not to, I will not hesitate to end you.”

 

“You’re terrifying,” Bucky said honestly. 

 

“I will cut you into pieces so small that your serum won’t heal you,” she promised, smiling like a saint. “But I will do it slowly, so you will pray for death. Then I will scatter them in places no one will ever find you. No one will mourn at your grave. Do you understand me?”

 

Her eyes were dark and shadowed. “I understand,” Bucky said solemnly. “I won’t hurt him, Natasha. You won’t lose him.”

 

“I’m not worried about that,” she said flippantly, but it was clear that she knew that he had her measure. “Shut up.”

 

“Don’t you have to get going?” he prompted, looking at the clock on the wall. “You don’t want to be late to spa night.”

 

Natasha cursed and smoothly rolled to her feet. “I have my eyes on you, Barnes,” she said, but her voice held the smallest bit of approval. Bucky counted it as a win. 

 

“I’ll bring you guys snacks later,” Bucky promised with a smile. “Have fun, Nat.”

 

Bucky counted his blessings when she left without changing her mind on stabbing him. Most people didn’t survive an encounter with the Black Widow, after all, even if they were the Winter Soldier. Bucky wanted to say that it was fondness on Natasha’s part, but he figured it was more her not wanting to get blood on her hands before she and Tony did manicures.

 

Whatever. He’d take it.


	4. JARVIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jarvis is my son and you can pry him out of my cold dead hands

Of all of the technology in the modern world, what Bucky appreciated most was JARVIS. The AI had been there at the beginning with his calm voice and unflappable demeanor, talking Bucky down from panic attacks when the sight of another person was triggering. JARVIS brought with him no memories of HYDRA, and Bucky appreciated that more than he could put into words.

 

It helped, of course, that JARVIS was everything he had dreamed the future would be back in 1940. His inner tech nerd was satisfied trying to understand even pieces of JARVIS’s complex coding. He rarely could, but JARVIS and Tony indulged him, for which he was grateful.

 

In the early days, JARVIS (with Tony’s permission), had assuaged Bucky’s paranoia, showing him the defense grids, the feeds from the surveillance cameras, and the positioning of every person in the Tower. He had also helped Bucky avoid people he hadn’t wanted to see. Nowadays, Bucky used his alliance with the Tower’s AI for pranks (and continuing to avoid people. Natasha was vicious if she was caught too early in the morning).

 

JARVIS was a person in his own right and Bucky recognized that, just like he did with all of Tony’s AIs. He even counted JARVIS among his very few friends and JARVIS promised to spare Bucky in his inevitable world domination scheme. He wasn’t surprised, though, when JARVIS called him down to the lab when Tony was away on a business trip. Shovel talks, it seemed, were common among all of Tony’s family members, including the ones made of lines of code.

 

“Hey, DUM-E,” Bucky greeted when he got down to the workshop. Instead of coming up to him like usual, though, the bot hefted his fire extinguisher threateningly. Next to him, U lifted his blow torch and Butterfingers held up a hammer. “U, Butterfingers, I see you guys are getting in the spirit of the day.”

 

“I do not normally involve myself in Sir’s romantic exploits,” JARVIS said without preamble, drawing Bucky’s attention. “Mostly because there are rarely any of note. Sir is not the relationship type, as he claims.”

 

“I know,” Bucky said. “I’m pretty sure he’s wrong about that, though; he’s one romantic asshole when he wants to be.”

 

“Indeed,” JARVIS agreed. “In my observations, it has stemmed from people taking advantage of him and what he has to offer. As you know, life has not always been kind to Sir, especially the people. Even those who claimed to love him have committed some of the worst offenses.”

 

“Wanna give me names?” Bucky asked sweetly, clenching his fists.

 

JARVIS ignored him. “Do not add yourself to that list,” he warned. The lights flared. “I will admit to holding a particular fondness for you, but my loyalty is to Sir first and foremost. If you hurt my creator, there is nowhere you will be able to hide from me.

 

“I have long since learned from my mistakes and grown,” said JARVIS. In the background, several light bulbs exploded. Butterfingers got a broom to sweep up the glass, but that didn’t make Bucky’s heart rate slow down. “In the past, I have been unable to protect Sir. I was shut down and powerless to aid him. But I have made sure that can’t happen again.”

 

“If I wasn’t already terrified of you, J, that would do it,” Bucky nodded his head, eyeing the exit to the lab. He definitely couldn’t make it before JARVIS shot him. Not that he’d try, of course. He just liked to know his options, that was all, and running was clearly not one.

 

“Miss Potts has threatened you with the destruction of your reputation, while Colonel Rhodes and Ms. Romanov have both decided on physical harm,” JARVIS reminded him. “You should know that I am more than capable of both. If you harm Sir, I will do both.”

 

“And I’ll deserve it,” replied Bucky. “I’m gonna treat him right, JARVIS, I promise. Not because you’re threatening me, but because it’s what I want to do.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Just out of curiosity, though,” Bucky trailed off in thought. “What upgrades have you made?”

 

“Would you care for a smoothie?” JARVIS asked pleasantly. Bucky saw the deflection for what it was, but he was also certain that he didn’t want JARVIS to answer the question. JARVIS might have been even scarier than Pepper, if he was being honest. The only thing Pepper had on the AI were her killer heels.

 

On cue, DUM-E started blending one. Bucky could smell the motor oil from across the room and wrinkled his nose. DUM-E, despite Tony and Bucky’s aid, still had no idea how to make a smoothie- allegedly. Bucky suspected the bot did it on purpose.

 

“You don't have to poison me yet,” laughed Bucky. “I didn’t do anything.”

 

“Have a smoothie, Sergeant.”

 

DUM-E wheeled up to him, holding a mug of something vaguely green and wholly disgusting. Inside, like one of those umbrellas in fancy fruit drinks, was a knife. Bucky didn’t want to know where DUM-E had gotten it; it looked like one of Natasha’s. The bot pressed the mug into Bucky’s hand and beeped what Bucky was sure was an impressive threat (JARVIS didn’t translate) before rolling away.

 

“I’ll just…” Bucky backed out of the lab as fast as he could without it looking like he was running away (he was one hundred percent running away).

 

He could feel JARVIS’s cameras on him all the way down the hall.


	5. Bruce Banner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> science bros are the best bros and those are the facts
> 
> enjoy!

If there was one person in the Tower who could understand Bucky’s struggle with a murderous alter ego, it was Bruce Banner. The Hulk, while less skilled, was capable of the same amount (if not more) destruction than the Winter Soldier. Hulk certainly proved it on missions with almost record-breaking amounts of property damage. 

 

But Bruce had Hulk under control, something that Bucky envied. Bruce was one of the calmest people that Bucky had ever met; if he hadn’t known about the enormous green rage monster, he never would have guessed. Nowadays, Hulk only came out when Bruce wanted him to. Bucky envied that; the Winter Soldier liked to make random appearances to keep everyone on their toes. 

 

Most people were still wary of the Hulk, so they treated Bruce with the same kid gloves that they used with Bucky. Even the rest of the Avengers tended to handle both of them with caution if a situation got heated, something that pissed Bucky off to no end. He wasn’t fragile; he didn’t need them to treat him like he was. Bruce agreed, but it wasn’t something that could be helped. Everyone treated them with a bit of fear, no matter who they were.

 

Everyone except Tony Stark. 

 

Tony had not a self-preserving bone in his body. Bucky had found this out the hard way, when Tony had approached him while in Winter Soldier mode to steal the coffee mug out of his metal hand. The Soldier had been too stunned to react. Bruce had known since the Helicarrier, when Tony had jabbed him with an electric wand. Tony wasn’t scared of their alter egos, of what they could do to him if he pushed. No, he kept pushing, treated them with the same abrasive manner that he would anyone else. Bucky was simultaneously terrified and grateful, and he knew Bruce felt the same.

 

Bruce and Tony had a weird friendship, based around stretchy pants and explosions. Bucky didn’t pretend to understand it. If it made Tony happy, that was all he needed to know. And all he  _ wanted  _ to know; seeing Bruce without pants, running around the Tower while Tony chased him with a pair of neon purple Hulk pants, had been far too much information for him.

 

The Hulk and Tony had an even weirder friendship. After battles, and before Bruce transformed back, Tony was on Hulk duty. Hulk apparently loved hearing Tony chatter about quantum mechanics until he felt safe enough to let Bruce out. Occasionally, if he was really riled up, he and Tony would play catch with whatever rubble was laying on the ground post-fight. Bucky (and Bruce) didn’t even try to guess why.

 

The point was, both Bruce and Hulk adored Tony and were more than a little protective of the engineer. Bucky fully expected threats from one or both of them when he and Tony announced their relationship to the team. Bruce’s calm eyes, flashing green for half a second, only reinforced that. 

 

Bucky wasn’t surprised to see Bruce in the kitchen the next morning, sipping tea like he had not a care in the world. 

 

“Care for a cup?” the scientist asked. 

 

“Sure,” Bucky said warily. He had expected Hulk to have smashed him by then, if he was being honest.

 

Bruce puttered around the kitchen, gathering the supplies for Bucky’s tea. He looked nonthreatening in his tweed sweater and large glasses, but Bucky knew better. The Soldier grumbled in his head at the imminent threat, but Bucky hushed him. 

 

“Is chamomile okay?” Bruce said without turning.

 

“Fine,” said Bucky, getting more nervous. Not that it showed; his training was too good for that, but it was the principle of the thing. 

 

“Chamomile is Tony’s favorite,” Bruce remarked idly. “He recommended it to me, actually.”

 

“I thought he hated tea?” Bucky wrinkled his nose.

 

Bruce hummed noncommittally. “He claims to,” he said. “But he’ll drink chamomile sometimes. He says it’s calming.”

 

“It normally is,” Bucky said, taking the cup that Bruce handed him. He had been watching the other man make it; it probably wasn’t poisoned. But if anyone in the Tower could poison him, it would be Bruce, with his knowledge of biology and the Super Serum.

 

“I know tea keeps me calm,” Bruce met his eyes. They briefly flared green. 

 

Bucky wondered if Bruce was planning to kill him with awkward pauses. “Um, that’s good.” 

 

Bruce looked at him, long and hard, and dumped his own cup of tea down the sink. “Don’t hurt Tony,” he warned. Bucky had to give him credit; he had gotten his message across in the shortest shovel talk yet.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“You wouldn’t want me to get angry,” Bruce said mildly, washing out his teacup. 

 

Bucky, unlike Tony, wasn’t the Hulk’s best friend, so he had to agree. “I’m not going to hurt him, Bruce.”

 

“I know,” Bruce smiled. “Just had to do my job as a Science Bro, you know how it is.”

 

“I got worried for a second,” Bucky admitted with a relieved laugh. “I thought you were actually going to Hulk out and smash me.”

 

“Jury’s still out, Barnes.”

 

Bruce looked utterly serious. Bucky swallowed nervously. The Winter Soldier was practically unbeatable, but even he didn’t like his chances against the Hulk. Luckily, Bruce walked out and Bucky didn’t have to worry about getting smashed to a pulp.

 

“Well, then,” Bucky drained his mug of tea in one sip. He was not feeling very calm, if he was being honest.

 

The tea did not help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short +1 will be up in a few minutes, so stay tuned!


	6. Steve Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt want to make you guys wait another two days for 500 words, so heres the +1!
> 
> enjoy :)

When Steve sat down on the sofa next to Tony, Tony knew exactly what was going to happen.

 

“Are you here to give me a shovel talk?” he asked almost eagerly. 

 

“I should,” Steve waved a hand. “But I’m lazy, honestly. I kind of just want to take a nap.”

 

Tony pouted. “But I’ve never gotten one before,” he protested. “I feel like I’m missing out. Bucky got, like, five.”

 

“Would it make you feel better to get one?” Steve sounded immensely put-upon. “Because I  _ can _ give you one. I just don’t really want to.”

 

“Can you?” Tony said. “That way I can say I’ve gotten one.”

 

“Hurt him and I’ll hurt you,” Steve deadpanned. “There you go.”

 

“You gotta put some feeling into it!” Tony complained. “I’ve given enough to know that. You have to utterly terrify the person you’re talking to. I’m not terrified, Steve.”

 

Steve sighed. “But I don’t  _ want  _ to hurt you,” he said. “Believe it or not, I think you and Bucky are good for each other.”

 

“Really?” Tony said. “I always got the impression that you didn’t approve.”

 

“I didn't, at first,” Steve admitted. Before Tony could get up in arms, he continued. “Bucky was a love ‘em and leave ‘em type, back in the day. You’re my friend, too, Tony; I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

 

Tony gawked. “I can’t say I was expecting that.”

 

“I’m not going to give you a shovel talk,” Steve said firmly. “You and Bucky, you’re  _ both _ my friends, so it wouldn’t be fair, first. Second, you’re adults. You’re going to fight. You’re going to hurt each other. You’re both assholes-”

 

“Hurtful, but you have a point.”

 

“-and you are going to drive each other up the wall. I’m not sure I’d be surprised if I heard that one of you murdered the other in a crime of passion or something,” Steve finished.

 

“I thought you said you thought we were good for each other?” Tony arched a brow to hide his nerves. He’d never admit it, but Steve’s approval meant a lot to him. 

 

“Because that’s normal, especially with people like us,” Steve continued, ignoring Tony. “And you’re going to love each other a lot more than you’re going to fight, probably in the common areas just to be obnoxious.”

 

Tony smiled in memory. “Don’t sit on the orange chair anymore,” he advised. “No reason, I’d just avoid it if I were you.”

 

Steve made a disgusted noise. “Bucky doesn’t need me to fight his battles,” he soldiered on admirably, even though he looked like he wanted to run away (he was in the orange chair). “And neither do you. You two can talk like the grown ups you claim to be, and I don’t need to get my shield out for that.”

 

“Well,” Tony floundered for a second. “That’s surprisingly mature of you, Steve. Who’d you steal it from?”

 

Steve flicked the side of his head. “Don’t be a shit.”

 

Tony put a hand on his chest, scandalized. But he was smiling happily under the faux-shock. “Language, Captain!”

 

“Now,” Steve stood up. “I’m going to take a shower and burn this chair. You find your boyfriend and get a room, you hear?”

 

Tony’s smile turned to a smirk, thinking of the other furniture in the common room they’d defiled. “Sure thing, Cap.”

 

“Don’t make me get the shield, Stark,” Steve warned. “You guys are gross.”

 

Tony preened. “Glad you approve.”

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> comments and kudos make me smile :)
> 
> hit me up on tumblr @imposter-human


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